Month: November 2018

Revision Strategy:

For my final draft, I would say my major goal is to work on my thesis and make it more specific to the direction that my paper is going. There are also a few things I need to fine tune throughout the essay, including adding the multimodal aspect, but I would say those are my two main goals for the final draft. What I first plan to do will be looking at my claim sentences and paragraphs, and see what my main themes in the paper seem to be. Then I will adjust my thesis statement from there. I then plan to go back into each paragraph and make sure that all my claims and paragraphs circle back to my thesis statement. There are also a few things I need to add into the essay which was some feedback I received from the peer review session. My biggest challenge will probably be editing my thesis which has always been challenging for me. It can be difficult to find a specific angle while also making the statement powerful and impactful. If this challenge becomes too difficult for me, I will make sure to reach out for help from either Mary-Katherine Spain or Professor Emerson because I really appreciate both of their feedback and help on the essays. 

In my essay, I would like to use some pictures that I have taken myself throughout the years of things I have found beautiful. I would also like to include some spatial mode as well because I like drawing attention to important quotes in the paper as thats a great way to keep the reading interesting. I possibly would like to include some sort of audio as well because I once read an article and at the beginning they had you play a song while reading it and I think it added another layer of depth that was very interesting.

I think incorporating these modes will aid in furthering the meaning behind my paper. They will also help to keep the reader interested and hooked in the paper.

One picture I may use: Hawaii Picture

Thesis:

Beauty, in my opinion, is anything that has the ability to entrance and capture your attention, and once we realize that there is limitless beauty all around us, not just in materialistic things, we will have the full potential to appreciate it. 

Claim:

As we go through the motions of our everyday lives we can tend to dismiss and pass by things we once saw as beautiful, but have become so used to that they have now become fleeting thoughts. 

Q: “But while people may care about being beautiful as much as they ever did, it seems they have largely stopped trying to figure out what Beauty actually is.” (Maddox)

Claim:

There are specific and unique things that can strike one as beautiful, but what inside us has the ability to determine whether or not we find something beautiful? 

Q: “Schiller thinks of human nature as an arena in which two powerful psychological drives are at work.” (Armstrong)

“What he’s calling the sense drive and the form drive are powerful impulses in us. But they are often in conflict. The demands of the short term are at odds with the hopes of the longer view.” (Armstrong)

Claim:

There are billions of communities that make up the world, but each one has their own view of beauty that they choose to portray.

Q: “Beauty is being a good person and treating others with respect and kindness.” (Liam’s Podcast)

Claim:

I can think back to multiple different times when I was completely encaptured by beauty to the point where I was completely mesmerized.

Q: “Beauty is something that lifts you out of time.” (Syris Podcast)

The article I chose to read for my third paper is called “The Math Behind Beauty,” and is about how view of beauty have been changed over the years. It also goes to discuss what the “perfect” ratio of the face would look like according to a so-called golden ratio. I would like to incorperate this article into my argument by adding how peoples main concerns of beauty have changed over the years and how societies view of beauty affect peoples thoughts about themselves. I think this article could add a great amount of support for my paper seeing as it has many good quotes to use.

Syris – I plan to work with this interview because I think that our professor has such an amazing and refreshing perspective on beauty. There was one specific thing she said that stuck with me along the lines of “beauty is something that lifts you out of reality.” That is something that just really struck me and I knew I wanted to use that quote somehwere in my paper. I also thought the fact that she compared beauty with pain was pretty amazing to me. It really made me ponder my own thoughts of beauty and inspired me to want to write more about that (possibly?)

Liam – I plan to work with this interview as well because I just thought this was such a powerful and moving interview. I loved how his mother saw beauty as a tranformation within a person and it just struck a nerve in me. The fact that his mothers client’s beauty was covered by the ugly in her life, and removing the ugly made her really shine was just such a happy moment for me and I wasn’t even there. I feel like it was such an awesome moment for his mother to see that and I just thought she had some awesome quotes in there too.

Beauty is something that has the ability to entrance and grasp you in a moment to the point where time stops. For the most part, people really feel this deeply and honestly, but there are many in today’s world that view beauty as having a lot of money and material possessions. My community is mostly made up of wealthy older people, and since it is so small everyone knows everything about everyone. Due to this fact, most of these people in the community care so much about showing off their expensive possessions such as cars, watches, clothing, jewelry, etc., because they want everyone to talk about it. Philosopher John Armstrong writes in, “La Bella Vita,” of how an old French philospher previously explored these ideas of beauty, and how we are still facing these issues today. Armstrong writes, “Many loathsome people own beautiful things, and the possesion of these does not seem to make them more humane.” He also goes on to add that the whole point of beauty is to “elevate the soul.” These people in my community view having money to buy expensive things as beauty and that is truly sad to witness for me. They aren’t elevating their souls or seeing the true beauty in friendships, family, or their everyday lives in our beautiful, coastal town. Right now, not only my community, but the world could most definitely benefit from reading this essay. Hearing his ideas of beauty made me think about what I view as beauty in my day to day life. Beauty is a concept unique to each individual and once we learn to grasp the true meaning of the word we will then be able to transform our futures.

I chose to read chapter five of They Say/I Say, “And Yet”: Distinguishing What You Say from What They Say. I wanted to read this chapter because, in my last essay, I lost points due to the fact that my voice wasn’t entirely present in my essay. I want to make sure that for our current essay, I am putting my voice into the paper and getting my views across. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter as it had a multitude of useful information that really helped me to see where I could improve my writing. They displayed multiple different techniques to use when trying to put your voice into a conversation. 

Before Revision:

The brain is the most amazing and complex organ of our body, and we are using it 24/7, but there are definitely ways we could be further expanding its capacities and creating more of a balance. While we are mostly encouraged to use our brain for critical thinking, we should begin to use it for creative thinking as well as it could further humans as a society. Songwriter and Grammy Award winner Yo Yo Ma writes in “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education,” about his aspect on the importance of integrating the arts with the sciences, as he believes it is imperative for our minds and for humanity. Ma talks of how we need the balance between the arts and the sciences to create the equilibrium we need in order to survive. He writes, “Only when the science and the arts are linked to the mainstream will we find a sustainable balance in society.” Here, Ma accurately points out the fact that we maybe need to reevaluate how we are currently using our brains. If we can integrate the arts into how we currently use our brains for critical thinking, we could unlock a whole new potential to the brain which could lead to the further balance of ourselves as humans. While yes, it may not be an instantaneous process, if we can at least start introducing the idea of using our brains in different ways we could start to unlock a whole new aspect of the mind.

After Revision:

The brain is the most amazing and complex organ of our body, and we are using it 24/7, but there are definitely ways we could be further expanding its capacities and creating more of a balance. In the profession of nursing, you are mostly encouraged to use your brain for critical and logical thinking, but we should begin to think about using it for creative thinking as well. Having the balance between the logical and the creative could help further individuals capabilities in the nursing profession and lead to new methods and ways of thinking. Cellist and Grammy Award winner Yo Yo Ma writes in “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education,” about his aspect on the importance of integrating the arts with the sciences, as he believes it is imperative for our minds and for humanity. Ma talks of how we need the balance between the arts and the sciences to create the equilibrium we need in order to survive. He writes, “Only when the science and the arts are linked to the mainstream will we find a sustainable balance in society.” Here it is accurately pointed out that we maybe need to reevaluate how we are currently using our brains. If nurses are able to integrate the arts into how they currently use their brains for critical and logical thinking, they could end up unlocking a whole new potential to the brain which could lead to that much-needed balance that they currently do not seem to be getting. While it may not be an instantaneous process, if we can at least start introducing the idea of nurses using their brains in different ways than just logically, they could start to unlock a whole new aspect to the profession that could eventually lead to new findings beyond what we may know now.