Category: English 110 Blogs (Page 2 of 2)

Old quote 1:

He goes on to say, “And one of them came to me the next morning and he said, “You know, I’ve never listened to classical music in my life, but when you played that shopping piece … He said, “My brother was shot last year and I didn’t cry for him. But last night, when you played that piece, he was the one I was thinking about. And I felt the tears streaming down my face. And it felt really good to cry for my brother.” So I made up my mind at that moment that classical music is for everybody. Everybody.” 

New Quote 1:

He goes on to say that the morning after he had performed the piece for the children, one of them came up to him and said  “You know, I’ve never listened to classical music in my life, but when you played that shopping piece … He said, “My brother was shot last year and I didn’t cry for him. But last night, when you played that piece, he was the one I was thinking about. And I felt the tears streaming down my face. And it felt really good to cry for my brother.” Zander said he knew that after that moment classical music was for everybody.

Old Quote 2:

By definition to be an “altruist” is to be “unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others (opposed to egoistic).” 

New Quote 2:

To be an altruist is to be, put into literal terms, “devoted to the welfare of others.”

I believe these quotes worked better after being revised because they fit better into the context of my argument as opposed to what they were before. I think before revising they were too long of a quote and didn’t make sense in my text.

Old Paragraph 1:

In a world where there are millions living in poverty and children are going hungry a group who believe that we should be donating and helping those in need, ask the rest of the world, is art a waste of time? The Effective Altruists, as they call themselves, believe that art is useless and a waste of time when there are people suffering and in need. Though there are those who may agree with the EA’s, many, including myself, believe that art has the power to transform us, as humans, from within. Benjamin Zander, a musical composer of the Boston Philharmonic, appeared on TED talk “How Does Music Transform Us?,” where he talks about how he has witnessed classical music pieces affecting audience members in such a prominent way he was even able to reach a seventh grade audience.  Zander points out that while maybe not everyone listens to classical music, when heard it can have the power to transform us as individuals. He wholeheartedly believes that this art form has such an impact on people that he can see their eyes shining. It really is true when you  touch someone with any form or type of art that may speak to that individual, you can see it in their eyes and face. Why the EA’s don’t think that art can change the world is just baffling to me. I get that they think everyone should be doing more to help end poverty and world hunger, but that doesn’t mean we should stop being creative and using art to make the world aware of these issues. That is why when presented with the question, “is art a waste of time,” I cannot just simply say no as it becomes a much bigger, and more in-depth issue of not only how it is not a waste of time, but how we can use art to transform lives and promote change.

New Paragraph 1:

In a world where there are millions living in poverty and children are going hungry a group who believe that we should be donating to and helping those in need, ask the rest of the world, is art a waste of time? The Effective Altruists, as they call themselves, believe that art is useless and a waste of time when there are people suffering and in need. Though there are those who may agree with the EA’s, many, including myself, believe that art has the power to transform us, as humans, from within. Benjamin Zander, a musical composer of the Boston Philharmonic, appeared on TED talk “How Does Music Transform Us?” where he talks about how he has witnessed classical music pieces affecting audience members in such a prominent way he was even able to reach a seventh-grade audience.  That is why when presented with the question, “is art a waste of time,” I cannot just simply say no as it becomes a much bigger, and more in-depth issue of not only how it is not a waste of time, but how we can use art to transform the lives of individuals that are suffering and promote change to make individuals more aware of these issues surrounding us.

Old Paragraph 2:

If you really think about it, there are many different ways in which we can use art to transform and change peoples lives. As the saying goes “a picture’s worth a thousand words,” which can not only apply to, of course, a picture, but to many different art forms like film-making, music, painting, drawing, photography, anything you can think of honestly. The power any of these listed can have to move or touch someone is amazing to witness. Specifically discussed in Zander’s TED talk, he relays a story of how he was performing a piece, done by Chopin, in Ireland during the Troubles for a group of street kids in which he was working on conflict resolution with. He goes on to say, “And one of them came to me the next morning and he said, “You know, I’ve never listened to classical music in my life, but when you played that shopping piece … He said, “My brother was shot last year and I didn’t cry for him. But last night, when you played that piece, he was the one I was thinking about. And I felt the tears streaming down my face. And it felt really good to cry for my brother.” So I made up my mind at that moment that classical music is for everybody. Everybody.” This really stuck out to me because the fact that this Chopin piece that Zander played reached a child made it evident that not only is classical music for everyone, but that art can move and change people in ways they may not even know. If art was a so called “waste of time,” do you think that this child would have ever had the chance to mourn for the death of his own brother? Or would he have just continued on in his life bottling up his true feelings? Maybe if the EA’s weren’t so quick to judge and say that art is a waste of time, they could open their eyes and see that they could use art to help promote their cause and make the rest of the world aware of how many are really in need. Sometimes just seeing a simple picture or short video can cause a spark inside of us. art plays such an important role in our society that it will never be viewed as a waste of time. People use art everyday to promote what they are passionate about and what they believe in. 

New Paragraph 2: 

While Southan states in his essay that the EA’s believe that art doesn’t have the means to help a suffering life, Zander retaliates in his TED talk about how he helped an underprivileged child who was suffering from a traumatic event in his life. Specifically discussed in Zander’s TED talk, he relays a story of how he was performing a piece, done by Chopin, in Ireland during the Troubles for a group of street kids in which he was working on conflict resolution with. He goes on to say that the morning after he had performed the piece, one of the children came up to him and said  “You know, I’ve never listened to classical music in my life, but when you played that shopping piece … He said, “My brother was shot last year and I didn’t cry for him. But last night, when you played that piece, he was the one I was thinking about. And I felt the tears streaming down my face. And it felt really good to cry for my brother.” Zander said he knew that after that moment classical music was for everybody. This really stuck out to me because the fact that this Chopin piece that Zander played reached a child made it evident that not only is classical music for everyone, but that art can help transform a suffering life in ways they may not even know. As Southan states, the EA’s believe art is just an indulgence for the wealthy, but if art was a so-called “waste of time,” do you think that this child would have ever had the chance to mourn for the death of his own brother? Or would he have just continued on in his life bottling up his true feelings and suffering through the pain of a lost life? 

These changes to my two paragraphs have really helped to shape the essay into something much better than what it originally was. I think it gives more depth to my argument and supports my thesis much more than before.

I actually really liked this short excerpt of her view on how we all write shitty first drafts and how no one just sits down and writes a perfect paper their first go. I definitely agree that my first draft was not my best work and most certainly not a finished product, but a good base for a paper that could turn out amazing
(hopefully). I loved how she said that few writers actually know what they are doing until it has been done. That’s how I feel when I am writing in that it feels like you are just writing words on a page until you look back over what you have done and read the finished product. I can also relate to the fact that she said she would just start writing a page long paragraph, which is what I can tend to do, and how she would clean it up from there so it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who does that!

Revision Plan Strategy:

1. My goal for my paper at this point is to finetune any details and shorten the lengths of my paragraphs. I will also strive to use more examples and quotes from the EA’s and Southan to strengthen my argument.
2. I first plan to shorten my paragraphs into sections of relevance to the argument, add supporting evidence and arguments into places that are needed, rearrange my paragraphs so they structurally make sense, and fix any grammatical errors and improper tone of voice.
3. I see my biggest challenge being the structure of the paper and where to place what information where so that I can make my argument understandable and clear.
4. If something becomes too difficult for me to figure out I will look to my peer review notes for guidance and clarity, and I also have the Little Seagull handbook which contains tons of information on how to strengthen an argument and how to structure a paper.

From doing this first session of peer review, I learned that there are many different things you see when carefully reading an essay. The peer review can help you see what is flawed in your own works when reading the work of others, for example, where you may need to add in arguments, information, or ideas. 

I wholeheartedly do not believe that any art is a waste of time no matter music, painting, filmmaking, all of it is useful and impactful. I know the EA’s just want to do good and help out people in need around the world, but they go about it in such a way that really turns me off. I just can’t justify the fact that they think that everyone is replaceable and their work doesn’t matter because everyone is so different and unique that it all matters to someone. I personally feel such a strong connection with music and if I was never able to experience what I have listening to music I think my life would be very different. As a kid, my dad would always play his oldies music for us and that really spoke to me and I’ve fallen in love with it and have been listening to it ever since. I don’t think that something that can bring people such joy in life can be a “waste of time,” as the EA’s would think.

The speaker of my choice TED talk, Benjamin Zander, does not believe that there are any limits to the power and effect that classical music has on people. He discusses how there are not many people in the world who listen to classical music at all which I guess you could say is a limit of sorts, but not a limit to how powerfully the music can affect you when listening to it. Zander believes it can touch anyone and everyone all around the world. I too believe that not just classical music but music, in general, can transform peoples outlooks on the world. Classical music is so beautiful and moving and can make you ponder things you may not consciously think of every day. Like Zander says in his TED talk, a little boy’s brother was murdered and he didn’t cry for him, but when he heard Chopin’s piece he felt the tears flowing down his face. When I heard the piece he played, I personally thought of my family pet of 16 years that we had to put down earlier this year. I reflected on the good times we spent together and it made me happy, reminiscent, and teary-eyed as the beautiful melody continued on. The power that that classical piece had on not only me but everyone in the TED talk audience who listened to it, was so moving and amazing.

Another power to this art form that stood out to me as amazingly significant was the fact that Zander said in his talk that, “If their eyes are shining, you know you’re doing it.” This was just significant and moving to me because it really is so true. I know that feeling when you are specifically moved by something or someone and you can just feel yourself light up. Zander says that everyone has shining eyes in the audience after Chopin’s piece is played and that’s how he knows as a musician and conductor he is impacting the audience. The fact that he could even reach an audience of 7th graders and have them attentive and listening to this classical piece is so telling of the power of this type of music. I think it really gets you to think and interpret what you relate the piece to, and that’s what makes it so unique and powerful.

When I read and annotated Southan’s text for the second time I realized so many different things that I didn’t catch the first time reading the essay. I noticed many more significant quotes and many of the EA’s ideas and thoughts came to light in the text. The first time around, the essay was slightly confusing and I didn’t quite catch onto the EA’s thinking and ideas. Going back a second time, there were many parts of the essay that made much more sense to me, especially at the beginning of the essay where he is first discussing EA’s and their mission. It is a little confusing when you read it the first time, but the second time around you start to notice how the beginning ties into the whole essay. Reading this essay for the second time also made me realize how radical and unethical the EA’s really are, and how much I do not care for their organization or the message that they send. I picked up on so many more of the EA’s quotes and ideas about how they view art. What also majorly aided in my successful reading of this essay was being able to look up a couple words that I was unsure about. Having looked them up using the dictionary on my phone I was better able to understand what they meant, and the concepts and thoughts of the author and EA’s.

To elaborate on the point of being “replaceable,” as EA’s would say, I do not agree with what they think at all. They believe that if, as an artist, if you are just as good as the person next to you than what point is there in doing it. If you want to be successful you need to make yourself irreplaceable and always strive and need to be better than the next person. In short, they’re mostly saying that if you’re not always doing better than someone else that you don’t matter, or that your work doesn’t matter. This is just completely absurd to me that someone preaching “good deeds” would degrade people in such a way as this. Saying that your work doesn’t matter unless your doing better than the next person infuriates me. If that was really the case, there wouldn’t be any current, famous pop singers because, in my opinion, all their work sounds pretty similar, but each song has their own unique spin on it. Everyone’s work is important to them and society in different ways so to try and discredit that is totally not acceptable in my book.

It is also very ironic how hypocritical the EA’s can be in their preachings. They like to say how art is a waste of time and you should be helping the poor instead of “watching the world burn” while you paint, or draw, or write, etc. On the other hand, they say that you can make art as long as it pertains to the EA’s ideas and morals. I don’t understand how that is right to be able to tell people what they can and can’t express in their personal artistic interpretations.  They are basically stating that art is bad unless you’re using it to promote their group. How they gain followers using this methodology is pretty surprising to me honestly. That would be like telling someone to ask before they take something from you, then proceeding to take something from them without asking. It is just very unethical and wrong to be so hypocritical like that.